Friday, September 10, 2010

Back on Track

I've been bad lately. Reese's pieces, pop-tarts, midnight snacks. I think this is due to lady fun time coming up, and also the fact I have to go grocery shopping.

I'm sorry readers for I have cheated. It's been 2 days since my last blog (confession).

Last night, I was staring at my fridge feeling the start of hunger pains and just grabbed something. It was a turkey sandwich, because I really just wanted something with avocado on it. I wanted something creamy and crunchy. I have no bread for toast.....mmmm. Or any granola bars. or a good casserole. So I started with a turkey sandwich. Later I was still hungry, unsatisfied (mentally) and a bit chilly from the very rainy day. I went to the cupboard and made some soup. I used to LOVE clam chowder, now I kind of hate it, but I keep eating it because I think MAYBE it'll be better. Dinner #2 wasn't that satisfying either. So after my cousin went to bed I had an almond butter and jelly wrap. Did you catch that flashing red light of a phrase? "after my cousin went to bed" AKA I'm starting to sneak food. Hello my name is Mertle and I have a PROBLEM!! I probably should've started with the wrap but what's done now is done. I've admitted I have a problem and can now correct it by getting food I will like and that satisfy my tummy and my brain!

Which brings me to my thought of the day for this blog: Why so we always say we're "getting back on the wagon", "having a fresh start", or "renewing my plan"?

I'm not really renewing anything I'm just not going to eat so MUCH. I'm going to eat good for me things. It's like there's a line what we should do, and what we shouldn't do. But really we just do what we do! and end up somewhere in the middle. Things happen like weddings or rainy weather and other things like hikes and NSV happen too. If we can get so "off track" in the bad direction do we ever admit getting too "off track" in the good direction? Too much working out, too little eating, all consuming obsession? Ok no that's not likely to happen to me any time soon but still I'm just raising some questions. We all said this is a lifestyle change......but I'm not sure my mind has changed! I don't say "I don't eat candy very often"; it's usually closer too "I'm on a diet now so I CAN'T". It's not "I'm going for a bit of a workout"; it's "I HAVE to go to the gym". It's not "This is my lunch"; it's "I was bad yesterday so I HAVE to eat healthy today." It's not "I was hungry so I had more"; it's "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse...but then I'd be over my calorie count so let's throw in the cheesecake too!"

I sit down with a piece of chocolate and think: "This food is BAD." "I'll be over my calorie count." "I really shouldn't but I will." "My mother would yell at me if she saw this." How can I start to think "Today was hard, a piece of chocolate would be great" That's it; no ifs, ands, or buts. I think that's the next step, all this mental stuff. I guess a good step would instead of saying I'm getting back on track, I'll say "Time to go grocery shopping" or "OOOH look at that bird!" or "So what I'm hungry so I'm eating a plum NOW"

What do YOU tell yourself aver a slip up/overindulgence/mindless eating? How do you get the negative debbie downer thoughts out of your head? How do you tell your brain what to think?

Well back to school work for me and ... oooh look at that bird!


  1. I read blogs! I find it comforting to see that othes are going through the same thing.

  2. Set backs happen. Our challenge is to not string them together into days or weeks and keep the distance between set backs as far apart as possible. When they do happen, recognize it, announce it to someone. And realize now, this minute is the time to move onward. Make your very next choice a good one, put the set back behind you and take a step towards a healthier you.

    You've announced it, so, what is the next choice going to be?

    You can do this Mertle, you can put this behind you.

  3. I have to admit to nodding my head to pretty much all the points you raised there - as MissHaneefa said, it's a comfort to know that others have the same crazy, negative, even self-destructive thoughts.

    I have used very strict diets in the past, and to their credit they have worked, but my thinking never changed and i always went right back - the moment i had one deviation from the plan my brain told me i might as well just binge, and i did.

    This time around, to avoid "breaking the diet" or "falling off the wagon" or any other related nonsense terms, i decided not to diet but just eat healthily instead - No food is banned completely, and i find this easier to get my head round and have some flexibility that allows the odd treat every now and then without guilt.

    That is not to say that i don't still have those days where I can't get the thought of chocolate out of my mind, but i also find it helps to read others blogs, especially when i'm fiending for a fix of the choc-stuff, as this helps put things in perspective.

    As Patrick says though if you do have an incident, the thing to do is own it and then carry on as if nothing had happened. Don't dwell on it as a mistake or a weakness...easier said than done i know, but i was also having one of those days when a binge is just around the next corner, but reading Patrick's latest post made me think about things and stop my mind dwelling on chocolate and how far i still had to go to achieve my goal.