Saturday, August 21, 2010

Feeling a bit lost

I think my life is catching up with me. Or at least with my feelings. Today I've felt a little down, partly because plans were broken which bugs me to no end. Mostly I've been talking to a few friends who've graduated and gotten jobs and while I'm happy for them that's not me. I worked really hard in school and don't have a job or research. Deep down I know the world or whatever knew I wasn't ready for a full time job and it's a good decision I'm going to grad school. But that doesn't take away that little voice in my head that keeps saying "Why not me? What's wrong with me?"

Although I'm studying civil engineering and enjoy it, I think I need to commit to getting my teaching certification. I was a physics tutor in college and LOVED it, going to appointments was the best part of my day. When I looked into the programs at Montana State I had to either start from the beginning next to young 18yr old minds, or make a year commitment to the graduate program where I would most likely teach math. The graduate program seemed to have better classes but there were some snaffus. I would have to drop my civil masters work and fully commit to the program. I would start in May with classes and look for a job, classes all summer then be a teacher in a classroom in September. I just couldn't do it. After feeling at the mercy of my predetermined plan in college I couldn't sign up for that again. So I gave up.

I'm not regretting joining that program because it wasn't a good fit, but I do wish I had signed up for teaching classes. It's time to commit to becoming a teacher...on the side. I can't give up on my civil engineering yet but I think it's time for a bit of a change. WOW thank you blog for letting me get all that out and helping me make a decision. :) I now have to find all my notes from the last time I inquired about this teaching certification.

Now what does that have to do with weight loss? Well since I have a decision I'm feeling better and will not be going to the store to get a tub of frosting for me to devour. Also I do have a specific note on my weight loss. MY AUNT NOTICED! She said "so you've lost weight since you've lived here" That was in September, but I was yo-yo-ing exercise, holiday, exercise, off the wagon, etc. I said "Since I've started the blog, I've been more accountable and have lost consistently." She wanted to guess and she said 15lb! Which is exactly right! Of course I would've loved her to say 30lb but I'm glad she's noticing. It makes the journey that much sweeter.

I've also noticed my shirts are fitting a bit better, and some pants are looser. Not quite new size loose, but a "Hey I look really good!" It's so nice to finally look in the mirror and think "I look great" instead of "this will have to do" My favorite thing about losing weight and working out is my muscles! I love flexing them and know how strong my body is. It's as if I'm slowly turning flub into rock! The most recent rock is my calves. I've always had pretty nice calves, but I'm starting to see definition not only on the very back of my legs but along the sides as well. Oh YEAH!

So what's your favorite thing about losing weight? [you can be as superficial as me no judging :)]

1 comment:

  1. Mertle, your words on your decision have a determined tone in them. If you feel it inyourheart that teaching is something you want to achieve then certainly you will. You've proven to yourself you can get it done with your weight loss. And that NSV of yours in youe Aunt having noticed your weight loss - so cool!!!

    My fave thing about losing weight; energy, having energy all day long.